Try this exercise at home with your partner. Hug her until you are both relaxed.
When do people normally end a hug? Sometimes a social alarm goes off in their heads and tells them that if they held an embrace too long, the other one would get the wrong idea. Sometimes you hug until you get tense; it gets awkward, or you get horny, or you can’t breathe.
In this exercise, if you are tense, or get tense, continue hugging until you get relaxed.
This is how you do it. Stand on your own feet. Don’t lean on your partner or she won’t be relaxed.
Put your arms around your partner, not too tight, not too loose. You have to be able to breathe. Figure out where to put your noses.
Two minutes like this can seem like an eternity, but don’t stop when you are tense. Don’t stop until you are relaxed.
It’s best to focus on yourself, relaxing yourself, not relaxing your partner. When you get relaxed, your partner can relax. You’re not holding each other. You’re centering yourself while you and your partner have your arms around each other.
All the issues you and your partner have will emerge in this exercise. Who dominates? Who submits? Who initiates? Who makes who adapt? This is your chance to work out these issues, but hold onto yourself as you do and everything will be OK.
Hug until relaxed.
Click here to go to the entire Relationships series.
Madness 101 