Relationships, Part 33: Forgiveness

hug2Let’s get one thing straight about forgiveness. You don’t do it for the person you’re angry at. You do it for yourself, so you don’t have to carry around the burden of your resentment.
Here’s another thing about forgiveness. It doesn’t have to go along with forgetting. When you both forgive and forget, you just set yourself up to get hurt again. You don’t learn a damn thing and the person who hurt you might not, either. So, don’t forgive and forget. Forgive and remember. Remember that you moved on past it and you never want to go there again.
And another thing: Forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean you stay together. If things don’t work out, they don’t work out. You can forgive and move on to another relationship. You’ll be more ready for the next one if you do and more free of the ghosts of the past.
Just because you forgive, doesn’t mean you release your partner from making amends. Making the amends is something he does for himself. Something that helps him change.
Oh, and one more thing. You can’t just forgive one day and be done with it. Deciding to forgive is like putting a garbage can in the room. It gives you a place to put the crap. When you start to get angry again, remember that you decided to forgive. Throw out the trash.
Someone said once: resentment is a poison you drink, hoping someone else will die. So, don’t resent. Do yourself a favor and forgive.

Click here to go to the entire Relationships series.


About Keith R Wilson

I am a licensed mental health counselor and certified alcohol and substance abuse counselor in private practice with more than 30 years experience. What I'm working on now: I'm writing a self help book, titled, The Road to Reconciliation. I recently published a self help book, Constructive Conflict: Building Something Good Out of All Those Arguments. Experimenting with new ideas and characters in fiction under the pen name, S Harry Zade, in the blog, A busy mental health counseling practice in Rochester, NY: Keith Wilson - Counseling. Writing about mental health and relationships at Taking photographs and sharing them at Other Books I've Written Two novels: Intersections and Fate's Janitors: Mopping Up Madness at a Mental Health Clinic
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